Over the past few weeks there has been an elephant in the room over your three captains selections. My name has been tossed around like Tara Reid. Should you or should you not pick me for this year’s Ryder Cup team? Will my back hold up? Does my career record speak for itself? I have a simple answer to these questions: No. I will allow you a moment to soak in that answer, and then I will give you my reasons.
As much as I would be honored to represent the Ryder Cup for the seventh time in my career, I just don’t feel that my presence on this year’s squad will be what’s best for the good ol’ USA. I am beyond a distraction to the rest of the boys, let alone the European side. In the spirit of the competition, I need to be as far away from Scotland as possible. Maybe Lindsey and I will take a much needed vacation where she can rehab her knee in a bikini and I can rest the back while she is in a bikini. If I am on the squad, the entire week will be focused on me: my back, my game and my mental state. We should be focusing on the competition and spirit of this bi-annual event. If I stay away, I will be but a blip on the radar compared to matchups, strategies and Ian Poulter’s hot putter.
You are well aware that the US hasn’t won in Europe since 1993. Have you watched my play the last few weeks? Instead of fist pumping after long distance putts, I’m back grabbing like a 75-year old grandma after dancing Gangnam Style! Tom, you know as well as anyone that I would love to help you shock the world, but now is not the time for me to do that. The doctors tell me that the surgery that repaired the pinched nerve seems to be fine. Apparently doctor’s have a different definition for fine than the rest of us who use Webster’s Dictionary.
Let’s face it. Right now the US has a strong team going into this Ryder Cup without me. Rickie is playing out of his mind and his inevitable matchup with Rory on Sunday is something I will enjoy watching while I lay poolside getting a couples’ massage while Lindsey is in a bikini. You have your veteran leadership with Jim and Phil and strong team golf players in Matt, Zach and Bubba. And let’s not forget that all important, don’t care, youthful enthusiasm with Patrick, Jordan and Jimmy Walker. It’s Dy-no-miiiite! That is a strong nine that presents some interesting matchups and possible player combinations. Now I know what you are thinking. Who are my three captains picks? Well thats why the PGA has placed it’s confidence in you and I support them. I would go with Ryan Moore, Keegan Bradley and Webb Simpson in those spots. All three of them offer value to this team and will be guys who will enjoy the moment and play up to the stage that is the Ryder Cup. If I learned one thing this past weekend it’s that I am not bigger than the game. Watching that back nine at the PGA Championship with the record viewership proved that to me. I wasn’t there and yet people still tuned in and were excited about the game. Maybe that’s my legacy, I opened the door for this next wave of young golfers.
I truly appreciate your loyalty over these past few months and especially today but I think it’s time I face reality. If I have any chance of winning one more major, let alone four, I need to fully recover, refocus and rethink my game. I call it the 3 “Rs” and it’s my new buddhist philosophy. Lindsey calls it my new addiction, but I think she is happy I have not gone back to my old one.
(Be sure to follow Wayniac Nation’s golf expert Mike Dunton on Twitter! @dartbus1521)