The 2016 Houston Texans: Ridiculously Early Predictions

If you have been following of late, our staff writers have been making ridiculously early predictions for their favorite teams since the NFL schedule was released. If you haven’t, you can see them all below:

Mike Dunton: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Christopher Fiumano: New York Giants

Nomi Duvlaris: Atlanta Falcons

Today is my turn, as I bring you the latest edition, my own beloved Houston Texans.

The Bill O’Brien era in Houston has been a good one thus far for Texans fans. Consecutive winning seasons and an AFC South title are all marred because of a historically horrendous playoff performance by Brian Hoyer.

OB and Rick Smith didn’t stay content with the roster in hand and went out and improved both sides of the ball. Gone are the last pieces of the Gary Kubiak regime as Arian Foster is now looking for a home. This is now Brock Osweiler and Lamar Miller‘s team.

J.J. Watt leads an exciting defense with an improving secondary and the offensive line has been bulked up, hoping that Texans workhorse Duane Brown is ready to anchor the line that will have several new faces. A tight end and defensive lineman to replace Crick in the draft and this team could be right back playing January football (that’s the playoffs people).


Week 1:  Home opener vs the Bears. WIN — J.J. and the gang eat up quarterbacks like Jay Cutler for lunch and this new look offense may struggle without Matt Forte to take the pressure off of them.

Week 2: Home vs Chiefs. WIN — The Texans are 10-6 at home under the OB reign. You would have to imagine that Brock wants to set the record straight and let this Chiefs team that embarrassed the Texans twice last season know that this is a new era.

Week 3: At New England. LOSS — Short week and the Texans historically struggle with the Patriots. Plus, the Pats have improved this offseason. How is that even fair?

Week 4: Home vs the Titans. WIN — This game could be tougher than expected depending on what they turn all those draft picks into. However the Texans are home and that young team will not be gelling just yet, so the more worrisome game will be on their home turf in Week 17.

Week 5: At Minnesota. LOSS — This is a very winnable game, however I see a let down as they look ahead to the next two very tough weeks.

Week 6: Home vs the Colts (SNF). WIN — What form will Andrew Luck be in? Not sure, but the Texans better monopolize at NRG before they head to Indy where they are historically lousy.

Week 7:  At Denver (MNF). WIN — Denver is a tough place to win and that defense is scary, but there is too much riding on the Texans. Brock and Elway didn’t part on good terms and if OB ever wanted to prove that Kubiak isn’t a great head coach and his team won the Super Bowl because of Wade Phillips, exposing him on Monday night would be fantastic.

Week 8: Home vs Lions. WIN — It’s the Lions. Come on.

End of the first half has them sitting at 6-2. Not too shabby, and certainly playoff bound at this point.

Week 9: BYE

Week 10: At Jacksonville. WIN — There is only one reason they are winning this game. I already have tickets to it, I’m going and they won’t let me down while I’m there.

Week 11: vs Raider in Mexico (MNF) LOSS — The Raiders are much improved and this game is South of the border so who knows what’s going to happen. I see a let down, but this is one of the few games on the schedule that could go either way. Don’t be surprised with a Texans win.

Week 12: Home vs Chargers. WIN — See Week 8. It’s the Chargers. Come on.

Week 13: At Green Bay. LOSS — Lambeau is tough to play for a dome team in the winter time. It is even tougher when Aaron Rodgers and his Packers are coming off of a subpar season.

Week 14: At Indy. LOSS — We all know the story. The Texans have won once in their history at Indy. That was last season when the Colts were using some guy from the first row as quarterback and had an average age of 35 on their starting offense.

Week 15: Home vs Jaguars. WIN — Texans will be steaming after two losses on the road and come home to light up the Jags.

Week 16: Home vs Bengals (TNF). WIN — Not sure if you have watched the past five seasons of NFL, but the Texans own the Bengals, especially in prime time.

Week 17: At Tennessee. LOSS — Sitting at 10-5, the Texans let one slip away. It’s ok though because they had already clinched a playoff spot.

Final standings: 10-6, playoff bound. I’ll make those predictions when the time comes.


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